Although the term "single" has been marketed together with 'fabulously' for a bit, with the never ending supply of disgustingly predictable, lame and weak storyline of date/chick movies, one can't help but wonder - is the media acting like the traditional Jewish mom herding us out of being single (which is synomous with 'alone' and 'lonely')
this article is interesting (even though i'm no longer in my 20s nor African-american)
http://clutchmagonline.com/lifeculture/feature/single-and-normal/
highlight: "There shouldn’t be any great worry over young women who has made the decision to be discerning and to keep her heart until someone’s really worthy of having it. We’re good. This is normal. Thank you for your concern, but we don’t really need it."
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Are We Settling When We Settle Down?
When we get married and say "it's time to settle down" are we really saying "I am settling?"
Talking with BlueRoses today about a good friend of mine she is dating. It is a long distance relationship and a new one at that but he already wants to get serious and she isn't so sure. BlueRoses realizes he is a good guy, but questions if he is the right guy. And that is the question, he's good, but is he the best one for her?
This is what all women ask ourselves when we are dating someone we really like and think is a potentially good choice. He's good, but is he that good? Do we want to commit to him for the rest of our life? Or as most marriages go, commit for about 5-7 years? Still, 5-7 years is a long time. Longer than many prison terms and probably just as bad or worse ;-)
The concept of marriage has yet to be appealing to me. Seems like a lot of hassle and work just to be able to throw a party and wear a white dress. I can do that without settling and latching myself to some male ball and chain. No pun intended. But even I have occasionally thought, "do you choose the one you can trust, even though you know you're settling"? I have male trust issues (who doesn't?). My own Uncle once told me you can tell a man is lying if he's talking.
I do acknowledge that many people are perfectly happy, content and married. Perhaps they do feel this is what life is about. I know a few people that fit in this category, most of them married young and are still going strong. I am crossing my fingers that they will lead a long and reasonably happy married life. But, for the majority of people and marriages, people are driven to settle down for various reasons such as:
Joke - Half of all marriages end in divorce and the other half end in death. One way or another, marriage does not end pleasantly.
I do think many, many people settle when choosing to settle down. They pick a mate for various reasons or characteristics while still thinking in the back of their head there are better choices out there but it's just too much of a headache to keep trying to find them.
This is just a musing of mine.
Talking with BlueRoses today about a good friend of mine she is dating. It is a long distance relationship and a new one at that but he already wants to get serious and she isn't so sure. BlueRoses realizes he is a good guy, but questions if he is the right guy. And that is the question, he's good, but is he the best one for her?
This is what all women ask ourselves when we are dating someone we really like and think is a potentially good choice. He's good, but is he that good? Do we want to commit to him for the rest of our life? Or as most marriages go, commit for about 5-7 years? Still, 5-7 years is a long time. Longer than many prison terms and probably just as bad or worse ;-)
The concept of marriage has yet to be appealing to me. Seems like a lot of hassle and work just to be able to throw a party and wear a white dress. I can do that without settling and latching myself to some male ball and chain. No pun intended. But even I have occasionally thought, "do you choose the one you can trust, even though you know you're settling"? I have male trust issues (who doesn't?). My own Uncle once told me you can tell a man is lying if he's talking.
I do acknowledge that many people are perfectly happy, content and married. Perhaps they do feel this is what life is about. I know a few people that fit in this category, most of them married young and are still going strong. I am crossing my fingers that they will lead a long and reasonably happy married life. But, for the majority of people and marriages, people are driven to settle down for various reasons such as:
- Co-dependent
- Desire to procreate and have someone take care of them when they are old
- Family pressure
- Religious pressure
- Cultural pressure
- Afraid to die alone
Joke - Half of all marriages end in divorce and the other half end in death. One way or another, marriage does not end pleasantly.
I do think many, many people settle when choosing to settle down. They pick a mate for various reasons or characteristics while still thinking in the back of their head there are better choices out there but it's just too much of a headache to keep trying to find them.
This is just a musing of mine.
Friday, June 25, 2010
why can't i be the little spoon...?
being one of the petite women out there, i've never encountered this issue until recently...
TheBoy being 6'2" (can't help it, i'm attracted to the tall ones...) had never really embraced the spooning notion with grace. Granted, we had lots of other issues to begin with (him being 11 years my junior, to name a few)...
i should've started suspecting so when we were watching movies on my couch and he'd cuddle up to me at my shoulders, putting his head on MY lap...
but the first few times when we're in bed chilling, and i try to gently nudge his shoulder with my face, you know, giving him the PDA go-ahead signal to 'come on over and spoon + cuddle me...'
what ended up happening was, he would start backing up... his back and shoulders and butt just moving on backwards until we were spooning - but HE was the little spoon. and he just fell asleep.
WHAT HAPPENED?!
that very first time i let it happen, and now i realize the mistake was mine - by not calling him out there right when it's happening (like when puppies being toilet trained and you didn't make them realize they missed the pee pads right there, then afterwards you can't punish them because they wouldn't realize what the fuss was about) - i had silently agreed that this was an acceptable behavior. consequently, every time after that (which was sparse and few between, mind you) - he would turn away from me, back himself up comfortable until i was once again the big spoon, and he's all snuggled in good...
but what about me? how did i get to be the big spoon here when he's a foot+ taller! my instincts to want to be the girly, feminine one - at least while we were cuddling - were washed down the drain. Being with a guy that always wanted to be the little spoon made me think - does he have Mommy-Issues where he wants a woman to take care of him? Hello, Oedipus wants his complex back.
as for now, part of the audition requirement for any guy that wants to be part of my cuddling life HAS to be that *I* get to be the little spoon in our spooning-situation. And if physically that doesn't work where i am towering over him or something - well that won't happen, let's face it, if i tower over you and am obviously bracingly bigger - well we won't be dating. pointe finale.
:)
TheBoy being 6'2" (can't help it, i'm attracted to the tall ones...) had never really embraced the spooning notion with grace. Granted, we had lots of other issues to begin with (him being 11 years my junior, to name a few)...
i should've started suspecting so when we were watching movies on my couch and he'd cuddle up to me at my shoulders, putting his head on MY lap...
but the first few times when we're in bed chilling, and i try to gently nudge his shoulder with my face, you know, giving him the PDA go-ahead signal to 'come on over and spoon + cuddle me...'
what ended up happening was, he would start backing up... his back and shoulders and butt just moving on backwards until we were spooning - but HE was the little spoon. and he just fell asleep.
WHAT HAPPENED?!
that very first time i let it happen, and now i realize the mistake was mine - by not calling him out there right when it's happening (like when puppies being toilet trained and you didn't make them realize they missed the pee pads right there, then afterwards you can't punish them because they wouldn't realize what the fuss was about) - i had silently agreed that this was an acceptable behavior. consequently, every time after that (which was sparse and few between, mind you) - he would turn away from me, back himself up comfortable until i was once again the big spoon, and he's all snuggled in good...
but what about me? how did i get to be the big spoon here when he's a foot+ taller! my instincts to want to be the girly, feminine one - at least while we were cuddling - were washed down the drain. Being with a guy that always wanted to be the little spoon made me think - does he have Mommy-Issues where he wants a woman to take care of him? Hello, Oedipus wants his complex back.
as for now, part of the audition requirement for any guy that wants to be part of my cuddling life HAS to be that *I* get to be the little spoon in our spooning-situation. And if physically that doesn't work where i am towering over him or something - well that won't happen, let's face it, if i tower over you and am obviously bracingly bigger - well we won't be dating. pointe finale.
:)
Monday, June 14, 2010
Conception of Lavender Ladies
Hello Ladies -
The idea for Lavender Ladies was came about from fun between the sheets and girl talk with my ladies. We decided women and girls might find our stories and musings interesting or funny or insightful.
Lavender Ladies are females who are navigating life (education, work, boys, friends and even family). Trying to make your own way in the world. Somewhere along the way you realize your friends are the lifelong relationships you will keep.
There is a strength in women that is remarkable. May we never forget our strength or doubt our abilities.
Thanks,
Glishious
The idea for Lavender Ladies was came about from fun between the sheets and girl talk with my ladies. We decided women and girls might find our stories and musings interesting or funny or insightful.
Lavender Ladies are females who are navigating life (education, work, boys, friends and even family). Trying to make your own way in the world. Somewhere along the way you realize your friends are the lifelong relationships you will keep.
There is a strength in women that is remarkable. May we never forget our strength or doubt our abilities.
Thanks,
Glishious
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